ejhildreth: @SkryFOX12 Ouch. Luckily the actions of the few won't permanently tarnish the reputation of the whole.
Slicehost
Problem: Having a Drupal site automatically run the cron.php script and automatically backup a mySQL database at regular intervals on a Slicehost slice that is running Ubuntu.
Solution: Shell Scripting and Crontab
Turns out, this wasn't so much of a problem after all and it has a really straightforward solution. Since I am using Ubuntu, it already has cron functionality built into it. To tap into this functionality, it is as easy as editing a text file and telling the system to tun the tasks you want (including shell scripts).
MySQL cron backup step-by-step:
